Craphole Island

Season Six Episode Titles

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 02:00:30 -0400

Confirmed

1. LA X (part 1) - Rumored all-centric

2. LA X (part 2) - Rumored all-centric

3. What Kate Does - Kate-centric

4. The Substitute - Rumored Locke-centric

Just like season 1, the first two episodes are one episode split apart, with no real focus on a single character, but the ensemble as a whole. A Kate-centric episode follows, and then Locke. Here are my guesses for the remaining episodes…

My Guesses

5. Jackface - Jack-centric

6. Jacob Explains Exactly What the Smoke Monster Is - Smoke Monster-centric

7. Richard Reads His Very Detailed Memoirs - Richard-centric

8. Ben Talks Like a Pedophile and Figures Out Why Pregnant Women Die - Ben-centric

9. WAAAAAAALT! - Walt-centric

10. What the Fuck Is Up With Ghost-Claire - Aaron-centric

11. Eleanor Hawking Tells Desmond Everything About the Others - Others-centric

12. Jesus Stick Figure - Eko-centric

13. Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob - Jacob-centric

14. What’s Up With That Other Evil Ghost Dude - Nikki/Paolo-centric

15. Hurleybird - Hurley-centric

16. EVERY FUCKING ANSWER EVER (part 1) - All-centric

17. EVERY FUCKING ANSWER EVER (part 2) - Vincent-centric

Back to the Beginning...

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 23:36:01 -0400

Long-running, serialized shows love doing something with their final season (when they know it’s their final season, at least): go back to the beginning. What that means exactly can vary from show to show. Example: On Buffy the Vampire Slayer, much of the last season surrounded Sunnydale High School, the primary setting for the first three seasons until it was ceremoniously blown up. On top of that, the big bad of the season is “The First” (or “The First Evil,” which can appear as the visages of the dead foes and allies of the show) - giving double meaning to “going back to the beginning” in a single show. The last episode even has Giles repeating his final line from the pilot: “The world is definitely doomed.” The point is, it’s cyclical, which gives the writers the opportunity to deepen the themes and show how far (or how specifically not far) characters and situations have come. Gilmore Girls (forgive me) ended with the same shot that closed the pilot. Arrested Development’s finale echoed its pilot in many, many instances as well.

And now Lost is going back to the beginning - or actually, before the beginning (or ACTUALLY after - depending on what you consider to be “the beginning”) - to the flight of 815. Except this time - it doesn’t crash on Craphole Island. That key moment that set all of the plotlines into motion doesn’t occur - the impetus for the series is gone. All that remains is the depressing memories held by Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Hurley, Sayid, Jin, Sun, Locke, and possibly a few more (or less). Why would these people remember, while others will not (Michael and Walt almost certainly will not be seen nor remain part of the story, Michael because Harold Perrineau felt burned by his lackluster, short-lived season 4 return, and Walt because the kid is now 6’2”). Maybe Charlie will figure in briefly (he has been confirmed for at least a cameo appearence), but he won’t be a major player. Those that remember will have to work together to comprehend what exactly they went through and what needs to be done.

Which begs the question: what does need to be done? Return to the island to save Jacob? Kill NotJacobSpirit? How “good” were things while Jacob was around? Do we even know for certain that it was him who did all of that island-healing that Ben was always talking about? Remember: Ben had never even seen (nor met) Jacob. In fact, the place he thought Jacob lived was home to NotJacob! Maybe NotJacob was the force behind the healing? Maybe it was neither - just the natural magicness of Craphole Island? Although I am certain that the murder of Jacob was an event so cataclysmic it would essentially mean the end of existence (which is the reason Jack and Co. had to return to 1979 and blow up Jughead to turn back the clock), I can’t help but wonder what we actually know. It’s astounding that after five seasons we may actually know less about this show than when we started, purely because we’ve been mislead by characters who themselves were mislead by other mislead characters.

Regardless, we’re going back to where it all could have started. This solves one of the central dilemmas of the show (almost): the regret the characters hold deep within themselves. The flashbacks were primarily to show mistakes the characters made and the baggage they bring with them everywhere they go. Now they actually have the chance to fix some things, even though many will NOW have regrets over events that haven’t even happened yet (and may never even happen), e.g. Jack’s lament over ruining things with Kate off-island. Both know about the issues, even though the events never occurred now. Sayid can find Nadia now and hopefully not cross any dangerous streets, Michael can be a good father to Walt, Jin and Sun can be happily married, etc. Some can’t be fixed though - Jack can’t make peace with his father, Kate can’t gain her mother’s sympathy (and now she’s on the way to the clink), Hurley can’t un-win the lottery.

There’s going to need to be a lot of legwork done early on to get the band back together and back to Craphole Island (wasn’t that the plotline LAST year?!). Getting Kate out of government custody, convincing Claire to come along (Aaron needs to be raised on Craphole Island - destined to be the vessel for Jacob or NotJacob? Still potentially!), figure out how the hell to handle Ben (who is still on the island, but now with no - or very little - Juliet, given her starring role on V) and Desmond (now that the Swan set is gone and his mind is un-flashed).

It’ll be interesting to see what the castaways (or non-castaways I guess) find their ultimate goal this season, and what the show’s ultimate goal really is. If it’s about Jacob, it would just feel strange, given we really just met the guy and still know less than nothing about him (other than him being a stabbable ghost). We’re back where we started, but the finish line is quickly approaching, and that is the important thing.

Lost Ended Yesterday

Thu, 14 May 2009 23:53:55 -0400

Ben murdered Jacob. Juliet set off the nuke in 1977. These two events are irrevocably connected.

The big question of season 5 was (to me at least) “Why did the Oceanic Six need to return to Craphole Island? What was their destiny?” Certainly there were personal reasons: Jack was a drug-addled mess without his precious island to keep him feeling useful, Kate would always be “on the run” (metaphorically), Sun needed Jin, etc. But when that flash of light brought Hurley, Jack, Kate, and Sayid back to 1977 - something happened. There was more than personal reasons bringing them back. Destiny was calling. But wasn’t it awfully coincidental that they were brought back to 1977, mere days before the legendary “Incident?”

They were brought back because Ben was going to kill Jacob, even if he didn’t know it yet. They were brought back in order to blow up Jughead and prevent “The Incident” from occurring. To change the past, and hence the future. Because then 815 would never crash. John Locke would never die. Jack would never answer the freighter’s call. Ben would never kill Jacob.

Ben killing Jacob would have been the end of LOST as we know it. The final triumph of evil over good. Ben - playing the Job figure - had been tested by the two warring Island Gods, Jacob and Not-Jacob. He had everything he loved and which gave him faith stripped away from him. Would his faith remain after, as Job’s did? No. Not-Jacob’s theory that all men are corrupted and sinful at heart was correct. Given the choice between remaining servile or biting back at his god, Ben chose to bite.

Imagine: God is dead. Man killed him. The balance is gone, only darkness remaining (to think the Lost writers have consistently kept up the backgammon “light vs. dark” metaphor!). Satan rules over all Creation. This sort of world could not be allowed to exist. So a chosen few were plucked from Ajira 316 and their actions stopped the unthinkable from occurring.

The big question now is…what’s next?

Oceanic 815 never crashed on Craphole Island.

It landed in LA. But does that mean the last five seasons were a giant waste of time, essentially negated by a nearly-dead Juliet and one little thermonuclear weapon? No. Remember Daniel Faraday’s odd little experiments sending consciousnesses through time and space? When that nuke went off - combined with the super pocket of electromagnetism - everyone at the Swan Site had their consciousnesses hurtled across time and existence…to the moment when the crash WOULD have occurred. Jack wakes up from his drunken stupor on the flight, shocked to find himself alive and in his suit. Hurley too. Jin too. Sayid is now bulletless. Sun doesn’t remember a thing, only that she is going to America with a man she may no longer love. John Locke is still that angry, sad, paralyzed man with no hope and no idea of the life he could have led if that plane had crashed. Charlie and Boone and Shannon and Eko and Libby and Ana-Lucia and Michael are still alive.

But…the war is brewing. Not-Jacob will find a way to finish Jacob, with or without the Oceanic 815ers. That means they, to quote Jack, “HAVE TO GO BAAAAAACK!” to Craphole Island. Sawyer is still on-board - his beloved Juliet is there. They have to stop Not-Jacob, using their extensive Island/Time knowledge to the best of their advantage.

Just a theory.

Gut Reaction

Thu, 14 May 2009 01:32:01 -0400

Lost has a tendency to rip the rug out from under our feet with finales. Season 1 we saw the Others reveal themselves to take Walt, Season 2 blew up the Hatch and revealed the outside world existed (important to note that prior to this, there was much theorizing that the rest of the world was gone), Season 3 brought the flashforward reveal, and Season 4 disappeared Craphole Island.

Now, we have met Jacob. The Incident happened (or was it prevented?) when Juliet set off the nuke. Ben murdered Jacob. Locke is still dead.

Let’s start with focusing on a single topic:

Jacob - Jacob is very old. He is damn ancient, a powerful force that rules Craphole Island. Then there is the Other Man. He is the Yin to Jacob’s Yang. It would be wrong for us to assume Jacob is the good force (God) while his enemy (henceforce LockeSpirit) is the evil (Satan), but we know they are essentially two sides of the same coin. But there are rules: they cannot kill each other. But since both are corporeal (albeit ageless), they can die.

Remember that guy in the cabin? The guy we were told was Jacob? It wasn’t. It was LockeSpirit, an old and decrepit spirit. Weak and dying. Trapped (arguably, by Jacob or Jacob’s Followers) there, bound by ashes. He begged Locke to “help him.” And - who the hell would’ve known - Locke sure as hell did. He took over Locke’s visage (and likely merged with his spirit, given how he mimicked Locke’s personality and memories perfectly, although the true nature remains to be seen) and used it to gain access to Jacob’s chamber with a servant willing to kill Jacob.

Ben killed Jacob. Ben killed Jacob (or, at least, was willing to follow Locke to that step) because he had been told to listen to LockeSpirit no matter what. What does this mean? Maybe the Smoke Monster isn’t everything it appears to be. Maybe the Smoke Monster wants LockeSpirit in charge - and hates Jacob (we’ll get to that later).

Jacob is also a bit of a playful Island God. He brings people to Craphole Island (the Black Rock, for instance) to see how they’ll do. To see if any of them are “good people.” They all inevitably fail (apparently) according to Ancient LockeSpirit, and become “corrupted.” Subtle metaphor for the Book of Job? Very possible. Ancient LockeSpirit seems to think humanity is weak and sinful, and are not worthy of Craphole Island. There has been a war brewing between these two, and it may already be over.

Questions remain: why did ChristianSpirit take over Not-Jacob’s cabin, and if “dead is dead,” then why was Christian’s body not still in its coffin as Locke’s was? (guess: I have absolutely no idea) Who broke the ash barrier so that Not-Jacob could escape and pretend to be Locke? (guess: Keamy or another agent of Widmore, who has long been awaiting new management to take over the island). Is Jacob truly dead? (guess: Yes) If so, is there going to be a war? (guess: Oh hell yes)

A ridiculous finale. So many questions raised. To think…in one year, we will have all of the answers! Until then, blindly theorizing is the name of the game.

LOST

Wed, 13 May 2009 23:06:24 -0400

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Evil Crazy LockeSpirit: 1
Jacob: 0
Juliet: 1 Nuke To the Face

The Lost Generation

Wed, 13 May 2009 09:11:45 -0400

With the season finale (titled “The Incident”) of season 5 quickly approaching, we are left with a dilemma: there is only one season of Lost left, one that will be filled with answers and closure to one of the greatest television shows ever. And we are a lucky generation to live in the era of Lost. A lot of people are going to discover this show for the first time 5, 10, 20 years from now on DVD (well, DVD will probably be dead by then), and they will blast through the six seasons in a matter of weeks. It will be glorious for them, but they will be missing out on one of the greatest parts of the Lost experience: watching it live, theorizing wildly, anxiously counting down the days until the next episode (or, as will soon be the case, SEASON). Blasting through the series won’t allow people to theorize quite as madly, get ponder the characters and their choices as much, or feel the true weight of answers that have been years in making. While we have had to weight years to discover what the hell the Smoke Monster really is, those future people will find out in mere weeks. It won’t mean as much to them, and that sucks. For them.

I guess the point of this is that there are very few shows like Lost in the history of television, and it is a model that isn’t likely to happen again for a great long while. After Lost came out, a ton of imitators followed, all of which were missing key things that made Lost so good. They thought mysteries, huge casts, and twists were all it took. They were wrong. Heroes is a great example of how not to do Lost. A huge cast filled with non-characters, twists that betray the story, gaping plotholes, and no overall vision. Lost has twists and betrayals and cliffhangers, but they are always organic to the greater story. And Lost is really good about filling in plotholes, even if they miss a few occasionally (Libby will never be explained, according to Lindelof and Cuse, although we can assume she was an agent of Widmore I guess). And Lost made sure characters always came first, before plot or special effects or anything (look at how many 1st season episodes are just people hangin’ at the beach, or how many season 2 episodes are just hangin’ around the Swan).

Also, Lost’s greatness is helped by its incredible production value and the network that supports it even when the ratings fall (and they gradually have, especially as the show has gotten weirder). It’s a really beautiful show to watch, and that model of TV is getting hard to justify as more and more people watch TV online, where ads come much cheaper. Carlton Cuse recently said he had doubts that another show like Lost would come around anytime soon, because of the huge investment it requires with little chance of success. Serialized shows are tough - if they don’t hook their audience immediately, they die. Procedurals can spend a season or two getting their footing, and audiences will tune in because each story is more or less self-contained. Also, procedurals are generally wildly less expensive than shows like Lost (shooting in Hawaii is a budget-buster).

Lost is a show that should be appreciated for so many reasons, even when it’s less than stellar (Jack tats, Claire episodes, Nikki/Paulo). This is the last season finale we have before the series finale, which will probably make my head explode from sheer anticipation. I hope another Lost shows up eventually, but I’m not holding my breath.

Now that Jack has lost his mind and wants to blow up a nuke, a...

Thu, 07 May 2009 20:40:55 -0400

Now that Jack has lost his mind and wants to blow up a nuke, a 24/Lost crossover is finally possible.

LOST Themes: Bad fathers, guilt, redemption, science vs. faith,...

Mon, 04 May 2009 01:54:00 -0400

LOST Themes: Bad fathers, guilt, redemption, science vs. faith, sacrifice, isolation, betrayal, regret, and most importantly…

Terrible, terrible wigs.

Charles Widmore seems at least fairly convinced that once you...

Sat, 02 May 2009 14:41:14 -0400

Charles Widmore seems at least fairly convinced that once you leave the island, that’s it - you can’t go back. Not now, not ever. Even if a meddlesome, floppy-haired youth named Benjamin Linus banished you for having the occasional off-island tryst. Did Jacob even approve of that move? Nooope. That was pure Ben.

But what about the other people who’ve left the island and returned? Ben, Jack, Charlotte, Miles, Hurley, Locke, Kate, Sayid, Sun, Frank, Faraday? Why are they allowed to return? Has Widmore even bothered to try to get back? Does he even want to return to the island?

Well, yeah, of course he does. He loves that island. More importantly, he needs it. Since his banishment, Widmore has been building up his own corporate mega-conglomerate. He has resources beyond imagination now. He faked Oceanic 815’s crash in the ocean, he sent an entire freighter to the island purely to capture Ben Linus, and he drinks some mighty expensive whiskey. Widmore is getting everything in place for his return.

This season, Widmore has been strangely…helpful. He nursed Locke back to health in Algeria, sent along Abbadon to assist Jeremy Bentham in gettin’ the O6 back together, gave Desmond Eloise’s address with little question, visited Eloise to see how Desmond was doin’, and it even turned out how endlessly helpful he was with Faraday - even he too knew he would be sending his son to his death, he knew that he didn’t have a choice (and Desmond’s life depended on it). So why would he do all of these things? Just to help those wayward Oceanic Six get back to their island? Why would he not track them, knowing that Ben would probably finagle his way onto Ajira 316 as well (“once you leave the island, you can’t return!” isn’t a valid excuse, all of the Oceanic Six had left the island too). Just making things turn out the way they were supposed to.

Why wouldn’t he be keeping a better eye on those people though? Why would he want dead Locke to return to the island as Undead (soon-to-be)SuperGhost Locke? Locke, even after death, is being used by people smarter and more capable than himself. He will use GhostLocke to supplant himself as the “new Jacob,” which would make Widmore the “new Ben” - aka the person really in charge.

Also, amendment time! Those Statue/Shadow people do work for Widmore, even if they don’t know it. They’re on Craphole Island to kill off the impurity that is poisoning the island (in their minds). There will be a small series of battles, maybe even something you might call a war. The reality will be that they are clearing the way for Widmore to return unopposed.

NEXT TIME: Eloise! Ellie! Mrs. Hawking! Mama Faraday!

Last year I wrote an article for McSweeney’s of what the...

Fri, 01 May 2009 22:24:59 -0400

Last year I wrote an article for McSweeney’s of what the first five minutes of Lost would have been like if everyone were open about all of their secrets and never vague or misleading (so that basically four years worth of storytelling got crammed into five minutes). This guy performed it and put it on YouTube.

I’d really like to go back in time and stop myself from writing it.

Mini-Theory: What Lies In the Shadow of the Statue? We’ve heard this question a few times, once from Ilana to beardless Frank (so much less cool than beardful Frank), and once from mysterious van man to Miles. They are on the same team, but what team is that? Definitely not Team Widmore, judging by Van Man’s insistence that Miles not get on the freighter. Seemingly not Team Linus, judging from how Ben showed no recognition of Ilana nor did he seem to be a part of their plan. So who are they working for? Odds are someone/thing much bigger than Widmore or Ben. Remember, those two are pretty minor pawns in the greater game of Craphole Island, neither having been on the island more than 50 years in its long history. They’ve come to the island to begin the real war.

So what lies in the shadow of the statue? Ben. He lies everywhere he goes.

Actually, it’s probably “The Island,” “Darkness,” or “Smells like carrots.”

RIP Twitchy I wrote a really long, detailed entry about the...

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 02:25:47 -0400

RIP Twitchy

I wrote a really long, detailed entry about the goings on as of tonight’s episode, but I lost it because my computer hates everything. I’ll re-write it soon though, here are some highlights:

- Eloise Hawking raised Dan knowing she would kill him for two reasons: 1. Because it happens, so she had to send him to the island. Also she takes her job as TimeCop very seriously. Faraday causing a universe-shattering paradox would not have worked out well, and 2. To save Desmond Hume’s life. That’s why she insisted he focus on his important work in killing mice and brain-shitting his girlfriend. Just to save Desmond in “The Constant.” Desmond’s importance is yet to be fully realized.

- Widmore can return to the island and knows it. He’s just biding his time…and the time is almost right.

- Faraday wouldn’t have been able to prevent The Incident anyways. And Jack is gonna fail even harder, as Jack usually does (season finale Jack-plans that have failed: all of them).

This is the Endor

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 02:09:05 -0400

Pierre Chang (AKA Marvin Candle AKA Martin Wick AKA Edgar Halliwax) is not a cool dude. In fact, he’s a bit of a douchebag. He thinks DHARMA’s experiments on Hydra Island are bullshit, he abandons his family (or does he save them?), and he goes by different names for no conceivable reason. Also, at some point he loses an arm. During the construction of The Orchid or The Swan no doubt. Maybe when The Incident hits…

His son, Miles, is less of a douche. He can talk to spirits, but only in the vicinity of their bodies. Amendment time: spirits are eternally bound to their bodies, if only a little. Craphole Island - what with all of its mysterious properties - amplifies the hell out of spirit-power (or whatever you’d like to call it). Lord knows what will happen when Miles comes face-to-ghostface with ChristianSpirit, Locke, or Jacob (or JacobLocke, if such a being exists).

The father and son duo combine to add a dash of Hurley-esque father issues: ie abandonment at an early age. The difference being that Miles never knew his father at all. One tends to wonder if these omnipresent father issues with nearly every character are a part of the larger plan or just some thematic fun the writers are having. My guess is thematic fun, but since the characters with strained father relationship encompasses Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Desmond (via Widmore), Charlie (hinted at his father’s lack of support for his musician career), Sun, Jin, Michael/Walt, Shannon, Sayid (hinted at), Ben, Locke, Claire, and probably Faraday (odds of Daniel’s pop being Charlie Widmore? 2:1), its tough to deny. It comes down to trying to think of characters who DON’T have father issues. Of the living, I can think only of Juliet (of the dead? Boone, Eko, Ana Lucia are all that come to mind).

So why can Miles talk to the dead? Could it have something to do with his proximity to a “spiritual center” of the island when The Incident hits? Is he in the middle of a cloud of Smokezilla when a giant electromagnetic blast scrambles its wiring and messes with baby Straume? Something happens to poor baby Miles’ brain before he and his mother leave Craphole Island - possibly at the insistence of PresentMiles having to convince his father to shove away his family in order to save their lives (and to preserve the timeline, but that’s really just a tangential benefit). Lost writers do love their dramatic irony, right?

Also: Daniel Farady has been in Ann Arbor, leading DHARMA from the mainland and forming DHARMA strategems for at most 3 years. Is The Orchid his idea? The Swan as well? Strange that they’re both just really being constructed now.

And what of Mama Faraday? She was once a mortal Hostile, but now appears to be something more. Recall “Flashes Before Your Eyes” - not only is the elderly Ms. Hawking at her present age in the past (or rather Desmond’s past), but she is keenly aware of the timeline that needs to be preserved. She is not experiencing time as it goes along…she has seen time as a whole, and know how it goes. But how? Did she travel back to that moment specifically to guide the unstuck-in-time Desmond? If so, HOW? She is not on Craphole Island - she left. And as Widmore believes, once you leave Craphole Island, you do not go back. Are there methods of time travel beyond Craphole Island? Well, Ms. Hawking may be unstuck in time as Desmond is - except for a number of key differences.

Firstly, when Desmond gets unstuck, his consciousness travels to his body at whatever point in time it existed. Hawking’s entire being is travelling - something that even her erstwhile son (who experimented on the poor mouse Eloise) could not have imagined. It breaks the rules. Ms. Hawking - like Desmond - is a variable. Except a very powerful one. Because - secondly - she seems to be able to control where/when she goes.

Quickie Theories

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 20:42:09 -0400

Locke has on a pair of Christian’s dress shoes. The only part of Christian’s burial outfit that did not belong to him were his shoes. He wore a pair of white sneakers. Christian changed from his burial suit to the buttoned-up dark shirt and slacks upon taking over Jacob’s cabin.

ChristianSpirit has not yet spoken a word to Jack since coming into existence, yet has spoken to Locke, Sun, and Frank. Does this echo what Christian said days (or hours?) before his death: that he didn’t have the stones to call up his son and apologize. Does that mean that part of Christian remains mixed in with the SuperIslandSpirit?

Why does Ethan change his name from “Goodspeed” to “Rom” upon becoming an Other? Better question: why doesn’t Ben?

Richard Alpert - Egyptian

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 20:14:46 -0400

Richard Alpert was an Egyptian priest or pharoah when he came to Craphole Island. Also, he was dead. Mummified. But he awoke when he entered Craphole Island…much as Locke has. Re-born…which explains the Anubis worship a bit more. And the whole unaging immortal thing.

Also, Richard Alpert’s initials are R and A. RA. Ra is the Egyptian god of the sun. Hmmm…

Blog Like An Egyptian

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 00:13:00 -0400

The Egyptian civilization is more interesting than possibly any other in recorded history. From their unbelievable feats of architecture and art, their legendary pyramids, heiroglyphics, and customs have produced a number of theories that, while not always plausible, often carry enough backing to at least be considered. Many have suggested aliens guided Egypt through the construction of several pyramids (some of which align perfectly with stars and planets, strangely), backed up by heiroglyphics, Egypt’s ahead of its time technology, and the parallel of much of the Central American civilizations. Some have suggested that the area around the Sphinx was once flooded, backed up by water damage and landscape issues, a strange thing for a desert, made even stranger as it is (for the most part) unrecorded. So…would it be too unbelievable that Craphole Island has an Egyptian connection?

The first clue was the heiroglyphs that appeared when the 108 Swan Countdown hit 0. This also tells us that DHARMA was well-aware of the Egyptian connection when constructing the Swan - and sought to respect it in their design. Strange thing for DHARMA to do given how little respect they have for the island as a whole. Perhaps the secret lies in what message the symbols make once their countdown is complete: “Underworld.” Given the dead’s presence on the Island (and their power, as seen in Jacob, ChristianSpirit, the whispers, Smokezilla, and now Locke), perhaps the meaning is even greater. Once the numbers were gone and an “event” was imminent, the message may have carried with it something more…

Our second view of the Egyptian influence was much larger - than what we originally saw at least. The remains of a large statue was seen by Sayid and the Kwons, but given little thought - even though this particular statue had a Simpsons-esque (pretty much all cartoons-esque actually) four toes. It was not until right before Sawyer (soon LaFleur) and his fellow Left Behinders went to DHARMA-times that they saw the statue fully (from behind at least). And although this quick flash was meant to tease the viewers, one can gather quite a bit from looking at what little was shown. The statue looks a great deal like it could be (and odds are, is) the Egyptian god Anubis (the ears are a dead giveaway). Who you might remember from the heiroglyphics in front of the central Smokezilla vent in The Temple… (the one depicting the dog-headed person and the zig-zaggy monster)

Speaking of The Temple, one question bursts to mind. Our first knowledge of it was when Ben told Richard and his erstwhile Others to go hike there and stay for the remainder of season four. Then when Ben finally gets around to drawing a map to The Temple for Alex, Karl, and Danielle, the map he provides has a DHARMA-logo marked “TEMPLE.” While I didn’t see anything remotely DHARMA-esque in The Temple, we must know that DHARMA at the very least is aware of it. After all, the Smokezilla-Calling-Puddle-Sink tunnel is located right below Benjamin’s house - which used to belong to an unkown DHARMA-ite. Not only that - but DHARMA built the supersonic fence. Odds are it wasn’t to keep The Hostiles out - initially, at least. If that was its only purpose, they could have built a stronger fence that, ya know, might actually keep them out. No. The fence was DESIGNED to keep Smokezilla out.

So is there a DHARMA station at The Temple? No. No station. But was it used for something by DHARMA? They tried, at least. To understand what Smokey was (and really, what The Island was). That little experiment failed rather spectacularly though. And so…the fence.

So what do we know? “Underworld.” Anubis worship. Smoke monster made of dead powerful spirits living in a temple and judging those living for their sins and their commitment to repentance. Do these things have anything in common?

Anubis - for one - is Egypt’s own god of the afterlife. Oh…well there’s an “underworld” connection right there. Anubis protected the dead on their journey to the afterlife. Seems mighty appropriate for Craphole Island. Ready for shit to get REAL crazy? Anubis is real. Sort of. Ol’ Smokezilla - while composed of the dead spirits of others - is Anubis. When the spirits merge with The Island they - like the Power Zords of centuries past - form (what could be called) Anubis. God of the Underworld. Appropriately located beneath the ground. Even travels beneath the ground. Judges those who inhabits its realm for their worthiness and purity.It should come as no surprise that Radzinsky (possibly all of DHARMA) referred to it as “Cerberus.” Another mythical religious symbol, with the head(s) of a dog (Anubis was a jackal, but why split hairs?). But what Radzinsky (and possibly all of DHARMA) failed to comprehend was that this “monster” was more than just a guardian…it was a god. And this was its realm.

Unfortunately (or maybe luckily) for those fighting for control of Craphole Island, Smokezilla has no biases or stakes in who “wins.” Smokey will always be the true ruler of Craphole Island.But where did it all begin? How does this help explain anything? In a word…

Richard Alpert. Okay, that was two words.

The Egyptians believed that the deceased would live again. Ever hear of anything like that happening? *cough cough* Christian and Locke *cough* Even though Smokey may represent Anubis - someone familiar with Anubis had to give it that label. That someone is ancient Egyptian immortal servant Richard Alpert. A great long time ago, Richard Alpert was something bigger (or irrelevant, depending on how much you love the island) - perhaps even a Pharoah, but far more likely a priest. While travelling through Algeria (just a hop skip and a walk away from Egypt), there was an electrical storm and a flash…and Richard and a few of his people awoke on Craphole Island. Most of those who came were unworthy - and were dealt with swiftly by Smokezilla (an eternal presence). Richard was the only truly worthy one - and was forever given the gift of immortality and the honor of being Smokey’s great servant. Only he knew that this could only be Anubis - the god who controlled death and the afterlife.

Also, Anubis - being part jackal - would probably have four toes.

LOST

Next time: Widmore, Ben, and Angry Spirits!

What Just Happened? Happened.

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 11:27:59 -0400

Benjamin Linus is easily the most fascinating character on Craphole Island - but part 2 of his segment of Craphole Origins: Benjamin Linus was both disappointing and brilliant at the same time: brilliant in its characterizations, relationships, and a few twists, but disappointing in its failure to do anything interesting with any of Ben’s flashbacks. Flashback 1: As OtherHoncho Charles Widmore rode in to Otherville, young Ben was awakening - but with short term amnesia being seemingly the only affect of his Temple Healing. We did not see a soul-sucked Ben - we saw the same scared, angry little boy we had seen previously, except now he had conveniently forgotten James LaFleur and his future-pals. This means Ben cannot be returned to DHARMA-ville until the Future Friends go back to the future (likely during a cataclysmic event known as “The Incident.”). How would DHARMA accept the returning, now-apparently-soulless young boy? Would Charles Widmore really use this kid as a sleeper agent? (Charles Widmore ordered the Purge by the way) How will this affect his relationship with Annie (his child-time love, whose story remains largely and strangely untold, although I gather we will figure out a good deal more about Annie before the season’s end. Although since young Ben cannot be returned before The Incident happens (or perhaps he is returned because the Incident happens, that relationship will have to wait until the next Ben-isode. Odds are that Annie died due to pregnancy? 110%)? Why doesn’t Roger Linus’ shock and guilt over what happened to his child change the way he behaves towards him (even moments before his untimely murder, Roger still resents and neglects Ben)? I almost hope the entire 2-hour season finale is devoted to Ben this year, but silly things like “other characters” might get in the way of that. Flashback 2: Floppy-haired Ben and protege Ethan Rom (nee Goodspeed) go to murder Danielle Rousseau, but end up stealing baby Alex. This was not the “rescuing a poor baby from an insane woman” that Ben had described (and which would make sense). This was a kidnapping a child from its distraught and paranoid mother (although she looked in no way insane, nor any danger to her child). Turns out Widmore ordered Rousseau’s murder - as “Jacob demanded” (except as Ben and ChristianGhost will do later on, what people say Jacob wants and what Jacob actually wants are usually never the same). Ben and Widmore face off (each with their respective awful hairpieces) and Ben has planted the seed of distrust amongst the Others about Widmore. This was post-Purge - yet the Others had not yet moved into DHARMA-ville. However, this entire sequence would have worked better if Rousseau was actually acting crazy and potentially dangerously towards Alex (maybe believing Alex was getting “sick”). My guess is that Alex is Ben’s replacement child for the one who died insane his dear Annie a few years earlier… Flashback 3: Ben - now a happy dad in DHARMA-ville, sees off Charles Widmore - who is being deported for leaving the island on occasion and having Penny off-island (a convenient and lame explanation. Given the timeframe and Widmore’s age, that means he was never in Penny’s life until she was about 20 year old, yet this has never been reflected in their - albeit strained - relationship. Also, we are intended to believe that Widmore built up Widmore Industries in a mere 12 or so years to the huge conglomerate corporate beast it has become? Even if he was building it up secretly on his off-island trysts, I can’t imagine it could have grown to its level so quickly). So why was Ben never expelled for his off-island doings? For one - Ben never had to deal with an underling Ben as Widmore did. The question comes up though - why can’t Widmore return? His expelling was done by people who sent him off in a sub. Given Ben (and Tom) frequent sub trips back and forth, this should hardly prove permanent. When the ISLAND makes you leave (via Frozen Donkey Wheel), then you’re gone for good. It didn’t make sense, and I don’t particularly expect Lost to clarify why this method of expellation prevents Widmore from returning. The Island Says It Is So, and so it is. Flashback 4: Ben doesn’t kill Penny because of baby Charlie Hume (soon Pace - I hope), but ruins Desmond’s groceries. Proper revenge for the killing of your daughter. An immense let-down, the build from the moment Ben promised Widmore (each heartless and cruel men - for the most part) through seeing the bloody Ben at the docks, what happened should have been momentous. But nothing really happened. Desmond beat up Ben a little - but threw him in the water and left it at that. The Desmond we thought we knew would have put Ben in a coma for shooting him and almost shooting his constant. Now I am uncertain about Desmond’s future on Craphole Island - he continues to have no motivation to return. The killing of Penny by Ben would have given him that in spades. Now why will Desmond return (which he must do, ‘cuz The Island Says It Is So)? Charles Widmore needs to convince Desmond that Ben is not through with Penny either by A. using his words (he is no Ben-esque manipulator wordsmith however) or B. by having Penny killed himself, but blaming it on Ben. Is Widmore above killing his own daughter to get back his Island (shades of Ben…)? Hell naw. Next Up: Theories, Egyptians, and Smoke Monsters

Christian-ity

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 23:26:00 -0500

ChristianSpirit - as far as we know him - has always done right by the castaways. He led Jack to fresh water. He helped Locke at the Frozen Donkey Wheel (as much as he could, at least…). He (may) be shielding Claire (or ClaireSpirit) from harm (or some unknown purpose).

He also wants to bring the Oceanic Six (plus one Desmond) back to Craphole Island…but for a greater purpose. The time skips were not the result of the Oceanic Six leaving, but from Ben knocking the Frozen Donkey Wheel off of its hinges when he pushed it. So why bring the Oceanic Six back? Well, as Locke said, “They were brought here for a reason.” That reason hasn’t been fulfilled yet. And ChristianSpirit knows what that reason is.

He also didn’t intend for Ben to be kicked off of the island. He wanted his rival’s (Jacob’s) greatest servant to remain on the island. Why?

Maybe because Ben, as always, isn’t exactly what he appears to be. He is not Jacob’s servant, but (more) his master…

What do we know about Jacob? He hates technology. He lives in a cabin. That cabin is surrounded by a gray ash/powder. He recently lost control of his cabin. He needs some serious help.

Wait - Jacob lives in the same cabin Horace Goodspeed was building for himself and his wife! That means the cabin is - at oldest - about 30 or so years old. If Jacob has been island master longer (and judging by 1954 Richard’s reaction to his name, he has been), living in the Goodspeed cabin is a relatively new thing.

Ben was the only one who spoke to Jacob - meaning Richard no longer (or never did) had communication with the island’s king. Why? Because Ben had Jacob on a short leash. A leash he maintained with the gray powder. Perhaps it was the cremated ashes of Jacob’s flesh-and-bone body. The spirit was still sharply bound to its body, even if the two were separated. Jacob was left impotent…a figurehead, formerly powerful, now just a name that inspired a bit of fear and awe and nothing more.

So keeping Ben would mean the continued keeping of Jacob held down. Why would ChristianSpirit want to mess that up? Perhaps Jacob would be able to escape from his pen if Ben were lost from Craphole Island. Still not powerful enough to stop ChristianSpirit, but a more dangerous player indeed.

Perhaps Jacob’s home before he was bound to the cabin was…The Temple (which we finally saw…it’s Smokey’s home. Suddenly I’m thinking that Smokey may have been Jacob’s personal guard-dog). Then again, is “The Temple” just a DHARMA station (as was indicated on Ben’s map)? I believe there is a DHARMA station AT The Temple, as DHARMA had a habit of building stations in important locations (e.g. The Orchid built above the FDW, The Swan built around Jughead…).

My question now is: Why would ChristianSpirit send Locke away to bring back the O6, knowing he would die in the process, and that Eloise Hawking would make them bring back Locke’s empty vessel of a corpse, ripe for the picking for Jacob? Because, above all, the Oceanic Six need to fulfill their destiny. A destiny that is worth the risk of an island-consuming battle with JacobLocke.

Or maybe I’ve just completely lost my mind.

Knocked Up 2.0

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 00:57:24 -0500

A slight amendment to the dealings with pregnancies on Craphole Island:

I said that spirits cannot be “created” on the island, due to whatever force shields it from the outside world. That is true. So when babies are conceived on island, the fetus grows with no spirit…in other words, it’s an “empty vessel!”

Older spirits try to force themselves into these empty vessels. Something happens during this melding of old spirit and new fetus…the mother’s reproductive organs degrade and age rapidly due to the interference. The fetus is unable to survive, and the damage done to the mother’s organs is permanent and fatal.

Empty vessels. That’s going to be a huge key to this series, especially this season.

Knocked Up

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 00:14:13 -0500

One thing that I’ve wondered for a while…why do pregnant women die on Craphole Island? And why was Claire able to give birth?

I’ve kinda thought the entire plotline was introduced (via Juliet/Ben) to explain why Claire was kidnapped back in season 1 (before the writers knew exactly where all of this was going). But I think they may have made “explaining why Claire got taken” and “fitting it in with the mythology of Lost” work together. Let’s see what we know!

Women’s reproductive organs seem to deteriorate (as seen with Richard’s ultrasound, where a 20 year old woman’s ovaries looked like a 70 year old’s. I do not think the island has anything to do with Benjamin Button)
The mothers tend to die in the third trimester
The immune systems “turns on” the fetus as though it were a foreign invader

Ew. Well, something is off. Ben became obsessed with solving the island’s pregnancy problem (which led to his falling out of favor with Richard and the rest of the Others, and the appointment of Locke as OtherLeader). Why? Annie, Ben’s one-time childhood love. Did Annie die during a pregnancy, leaving Ben loveless, wifeless, and stuck with no one but his deadbeat dad to consider “family?” Well, it would prove a nice parallel to Roger Linus watching his wife die due to her pregnancy, albeit giving him a son he would resent. Did this loss solidify Ben’s commitment to gassing DHARMA and joining The Others?

Yup. Probably, at least.

So why would the body turn on fetuses conceived on the island? Does the island hate babies that much? Does it have anything to do with island men’s supersperm count?

Babies are new life, and the island isn’t meant to have life created on it. The island is sort of a bubble - life can enter into it if it’s already in existence, and life can die on it, but creation would mean that a new spirit would be needed. Spirits cannot enter the island. Remember what Ben said when he was locked up in the Swan: “Not even God can see this island.” I’m not sure how spiritual/religious Lost will get, but part of its deepest mythology involves the existence of spirits/souls.

The immune system turns on the baby per the will of the island. The baby cannot exist without some sort of spirit inside of it, so it is necessary that the baby die. While the island can cure maladies, it can also create them (see: Ben’s tumor). Claire was able to have Aaron because Aaron was almost fully formed before arriving on the island (and had his “spirit” or whatever). Nothing Ethan nor Tom were doing was helping nor hindering Claire.

Man of Science vs. Man of Faith…I seem to be falling into the “faith” category on this one, but science will have a lot more to do with the island-goings on later…

Smokezilla

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 00:11:56 -0500

The Smoke Monster is probably one of the final mysteries we’ll get a legitimate answer to on Lost, which is unfortunate. What’s also unfortunate is that it really can’t be too satisfying, given it’s clear that the writers didn’t have Smokey worked out when it appeared in the pilot.

So what is Smokey? An instrument of fate, killing those who interfere with destiny (i.e. the pilot, Eko)? Result of an electromagnetic event known as “The Incident?” Something else entirely?

Well, let’s see what we know: the sound it makes is the same sound that taxi cabs make when they’re printing out receipts. Weird choice for a Smokey sound effect, right? Maybe not. Smokey does several things that we know of: smashes people it doesn’t like, travels through a system of tunnels (ancient onces, judging by Ben’s secret ancient Smokey door in his house), has something electrical going on, doesn’t like sonic fences, makes some vaguely mechanical noises, has images of peoples pasts in it, Radzinksky called “Cerberus,” and it stares people down. Also, not even Juliet knows what Smokey is.

But why the receipt noise? Smokey is sort of a Craphole Island taxi cab itself, as well as a “security system.” Smokey is composed of many of the lost spirits of the original island inhabitants (the people Jacob and ChristianSpirit were a part of). Powerful spirits that merged to created a being that could protect the island, and deal out judgment on those undeserving of being on the island. Eko refused to repent for his sins, which angered Smokey. Ben “told” Smokey about the Keamy and his men invading the island, so Smokey attacked. What Ben did to “tell” Smokey is beyond speculation.

Is Smokey the third player in the upcoming battle between its brethren spirits Jacob and ChristianSpirit? Very possibly, but Smokey isn’t one to take sides. Smokey will play by its own rules: protect the island, kill the unworthy, eat pilots.