Craphole Island

Season Six Episode Titles

Confirmed

1. LA X (part 1) - Rumored all-centric

2. LA X (part 2) - Rumored all-centric

3. What Kate Does - Kate-centric

4. The Substitute - Rumored Locke-centric

Just like season 1, the first two episodes are one episode split apart, with no real focus on a single character, but the ensemble as a whole. A Kate-centric episode follows, and then Locke. Here are my guesses for the remaining episodes…

My Guesses

5. Jackface - Jack-centric

6. Jacob Explains Exactly What the Smoke Monster Is - Smoke Monster-centric

7. Richard Reads His Very Detailed Memoirs - Richard-centric

8. Ben Talks Like a Pedophile and Figures Out Why Pregnant Women Die - Ben-centric

9. WAAAAAAALT! - Walt-centric

10. What the Fuck Is Up With Ghost-Claire - Aaron-centric

11. Eleanor Hawking Tells Desmond Everything About the Others - Others-centric

12. Jesus Stick Figure - Eko-centric

13. Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob - Jacob-centric

14. What’s Up With That Other Evil Ghost Dude - Nikki/Paolo-centric

15. Hurleybird - Hurley-centric

16. EVERY FUCKING ANSWER EVER (part 1) - All-centric

17. EVERY FUCKING ANSWER EVER (part 2) - Vincent-centric

Back to the Beginning...

Long-running, serialized shows love doing something with their final season (when they know it’s their final season, at least): go back to the beginning. What that means exactly can vary from show to show. Example: On Buffy the Vampire Slayer, much of the last season surrounded Sunnydale High School, the primary setting for the first three seasons until it was ceremoniously blown up. On top of that, the big bad of the season is “The First” (or “The First Evil,” which can appear as the visages of the dead foes and allies of the show) - giving double meaning to “going back to the beginning” in a single show. The last episode even has Giles repeating his final line from the pilot: “The world is definitely doomed.” The point is, it’s cyclical, which gives the writers the opportunity to deepen the themes and show how far (or how specifically not far) characters and situations have come. Gilmore Girls (forgive me) ended with the same shot that closed the pilot. Arrested Development’s finale echoed its pilot in many, many instances as well.

And now Lost is going back to the beginning - or actually, before the beginning (or ACTUALLY after - depending on what you consider to be “the beginning”) - to the flight of 815. Except this time - it doesn’t crash on Craphole Island. That key moment that set all of the plotlines into motion doesn’t occur - the impetus for the series is gone. All that remains is the depressing memories held by Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Hurley, Sayid, Jin, Sun, Locke, and possibly a few more (or less). Why would these people remember, while others will not (Michael and Walt almost certainly will not be seen nor remain part of the story, Michael because Harold Perrineau felt burned by his lackluster, short-lived season 4 return, and Walt because the kid is now 6’2”). Maybe Charlie will figure in briefly (he has been confirmed for at least a cameo appearence), but he won’t be a major player. Those that remember will have to work together to comprehend what exactly they went through and what needs to be done.

Which begs the question: what does need to be done? Return to the island to save Jacob? Kill NotJacobSpirit? How “good” were things while Jacob was around? Do we even know for certain that it was him who did all of that island-healing that Ben was always talking about? Remember: Ben had never even seen (nor met) Jacob. In fact, the place he thought Jacob lived was home to NotJacob! Maybe NotJacob was the force behind the healing? Maybe it was neither - just the natural magicness of Craphole Island? Although I am certain that the murder of Jacob was an event so cataclysmic it would essentially mean the end of existence (which is the reason Jack and Co. had to return to 1979 and blow up Jughead to turn back the clock), I can’t help but wonder what we actually know. It’s astounding that after five seasons we may actually know less about this show than when we started, purely because we’ve been mislead by characters who themselves were mislead by other mislead characters.

Regardless, we’re going back to where it all could have started. This solves one of the central dilemmas of the show (almost): the regret the characters hold deep within themselves. The flashbacks were primarily to show mistakes the characters made and the baggage they bring with them everywhere they go. Now they actually have the chance to fix some things, even though many will NOW have regrets over events that haven’t even happened yet (and may never even happen), e.g. Jack’s lament over ruining things with Kate off-island. Both know about the issues, even though the events never occurred now. Sayid can find Nadia now and hopefully not cross any dangerous streets, Michael can be a good father to Walt, Jin and Sun can be happily married, etc. Some can’t be fixed though - Jack can’t make peace with his father, Kate can’t gain her mother’s sympathy (and now she’s on the way to the clink), Hurley can’t un-win the lottery.

There’s going to need to be a lot of legwork done early on to get the band back together and back to Craphole Island (wasn’t that the plotline LAST year?!). Getting Kate out of government custody, convincing Claire to come along (Aaron needs to be raised on Craphole Island - destined to be the vessel for Jacob or NotJacob? Still potentially!), figure out how the hell to handle Ben (who is still on the island, but now with no - or very little - Juliet, given her starring role on V) and Desmond (now that the Swan set is gone and his mind is un-flashed).

It’ll be interesting to see what the castaways (or non-castaways I guess) find their ultimate goal this season, and what the show’s ultimate goal really is. If it’s about Jacob, it would just feel strange, given we really just met the guy and still know less than nothing about him (other than him being a stabbable ghost). We’re back where we started, but the finish line is quickly approaching, and that is the important thing.

Lost Ended Yesterday

Ben murdered Jacob. Juliet set off the nuke in 1977. These two events are irrevocably connected.

The big question of season 5 was (to me at least) “Why did the Oceanic Six need to return to Craphole Island? What was their destiny?” Certainly there were personal reasons: Jack was a drug-addled mess without his precious island to keep him feeling useful, Kate would always be “on the run” (metaphorically), Sun needed Jin, etc. But when that flash of light brought Hurley, Jack, Kate, and Sayid back to 1977 - something happened. There was more than personal reasons bringing them back. Destiny was calling. But wasn’t it awfully coincidental that they were brought back to 1977, mere days before the legendary “Incident?”

They were brought back because Ben was going to kill Jacob, even if he didn’t know it yet. They were brought back in order to blow up Jughead and prevent “The Incident” from occurring. To change the past, and hence the future. Because then 815 would never crash. John Locke would never die. Jack would never answer the freighter’s call. Ben would never kill Jacob.

Ben killing Jacob would have been the end of LOST as we know it. The final triumph of evil over good. Ben - playing the Job figure - had been tested by the two warring Island Gods, Jacob and Not-Jacob. He had everything he loved and which gave him faith stripped away from him. Would his faith remain after, as Job’s did? No. Not-Jacob’s theory that all men are corrupted and sinful at heart was correct. Given the choice between remaining servile or biting back at his god, Ben chose to bite.

Imagine: God is dead. Man killed him. The balance is gone, only darkness remaining (to think the Lost writers have consistently kept up the backgammon “light vs. dark” metaphor!). Satan rules over all Creation. This sort of world could not be allowed to exist. So a chosen few were plucked from Ajira 316 and their actions stopped the unthinkable from occurring.

The big question now is…what’s next?

Oceanic 815 never crashed on Craphole Island.

It landed in LA. But does that mean the last five seasons were a giant waste of time, essentially negated by a nearly-dead Juliet and one little thermonuclear weapon? No. Remember Daniel Faraday’s odd little experiments sending consciousnesses through time and space? When that nuke went off - combined with the super pocket of electromagnetism - everyone at the Swan Site had their consciousnesses hurtled across time and existence…to the moment when the crash WOULD have occurred. Jack wakes up from his drunken stupor on the flight, shocked to find himself alive and in his suit. Hurley too. Jin too. Sayid is now bulletless. Sun doesn’t remember a thing, only that she is going to America with a man she may no longer love. John Locke is still that angry, sad, paralyzed man with no hope and no idea of the life he could have led if that plane had crashed. Charlie and Boone and Shannon and Eko and Libby and Ana-Lucia and Michael are still alive.

But…the war is brewing. Not-Jacob will find a way to finish Jacob, with or without the Oceanic 815ers. That means they, to quote Jack, “HAVE TO GO BAAAAAACK!” to Craphole Island. Sawyer is still on-board - his beloved Juliet is there. They have to stop Not-Jacob, using their extensive Island/Time knowledge to the best of their advantage.

Just a theory.

Gut Reaction

Lost has a tendency to rip the rug out from under our feet with finales. Season 1 we saw the Others reveal themselves to take Walt, Season 2 blew up the Hatch and revealed the outside world existed (important to note that prior to this, there was much theorizing that the rest of the world was gone), Season 3 brought the flashforward reveal, and Season 4 disappeared Craphole Island.

Now, we have met Jacob. The Incident happened (or was it prevented?) when Juliet set off the nuke. Ben murdered Jacob. Locke is still dead.

Let’s start with focusing on a single topic:

Jacob - Jacob is very old. He is damn ancient, a powerful force that rules Craphole Island. Then there is the Other Man. He is the Yin to Jacob’s Yang. It would be wrong for us to assume Jacob is the good force (God) while his enemy (henceforce LockeSpirit) is the evil (Satan), but we know they are essentially two sides of the same coin. But there are rules: they cannot kill each other. But since both are corporeal (albeit ageless), they can die.

Remember that guy in the cabin? The guy we were told was Jacob? It wasn’t. It was LockeSpirit, an old and decrepit spirit. Weak and dying. Trapped (arguably, by Jacob or Jacob’s Followers) there, bound by ashes. He begged Locke to “help him.” And - who the hell would’ve known - Locke sure as hell did. He took over Locke’s visage (and likely merged with his spirit, given how he mimicked Locke’s personality and memories perfectly, although the true nature remains to be seen) and used it to gain access to Jacob’s chamber with a servant willing to kill Jacob.

Ben killed Jacob. Ben killed Jacob (or, at least, was willing to follow Locke to that step) because he had been told to listen to LockeSpirit no matter what. What does this mean? Maybe the Smoke Monster isn’t everything it appears to be. Maybe the Smoke Monster wants LockeSpirit in charge - and hates Jacob (we’ll get to that later).

Jacob is also a bit of a playful Island God. He brings people to Craphole Island (the Black Rock, for instance) to see how they’ll do. To see if any of them are “good people.” They all inevitably fail (apparently) according to Ancient LockeSpirit, and become “corrupted.” Subtle metaphor for the Book of Job? Very possible. Ancient LockeSpirit seems to think humanity is weak and sinful, and are not worthy of Craphole Island. There has been a war brewing between these two, and it may already be over.

Questions remain: why did ChristianSpirit take over Not-Jacob’s cabin, and if “dead is dead,” then why was Christian’s body not still in its coffin as Locke’s was? (guess: I have absolutely no idea) Who broke the ash barrier so that Not-Jacob could escape and pretend to be Locke? (guess: Keamy or another agent of Widmore, who has long been awaiting new management to take over the island). Is Jacob truly dead? (guess: Yes) If so, is there going to be a war? (guess: Oh hell yes)

A ridiculous finale. So many questions raised. To think…in one year, we will have all of the answers! Until then, blindly theorizing is the name of the game.

LOST

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Evil Crazy LockeSpirit: 1
Jacob: 0
Juliet: 1 Nuke To the Face

The Lost Generation

With the season finale (titled “The Incident”) of season 5 quickly approaching, we are left with a dilemma: there is only one season of Lost left, one that will be filled with answers and closure to one of the greatest television shows ever. And we are a lucky generation to live in the era of Lost. A lot of people are going to discover this show for the first time 5, 10, 20 years from now on DVD (well, DVD will probably be dead by then), and they will blast through the six seasons in a matter of weeks. It will be glorious for them, but they will be missing out on one of the greatest parts of the Lost experience: watching it live, theorizing wildly, anxiously counting down the days until the next episode (or, as will soon be the case, SEASON). Blasting through the series won’t allow people to theorize quite as madly, get ponder the characters and their choices as much, or feel the true weight of answers that have been years in making. While we have had to weight years to discover what the hell the Smoke Monster really is, those future people will find out in mere weeks. It won’t mean as much to them, and that sucks. For them.

I guess the point of this is that there are very few shows like Lost in the history of television, and it is a model that isn’t likely to happen again for a great long while. After Lost came out, a ton of imitators followed, all of which were missing key things that made Lost so good. They thought mysteries, huge casts, and twists were all it took. They were wrong. Heroes is a great example of how not to do Lost. A huge cast filled with non-characters, twists that betray the story, gaping plotholes, and no overall vision. Lost has twists and betrayals and cliffhangers, but they are always organic to the greater story. And Lost is really good about filling in plotholes, even if they miss a few occasionally (Libby will never be explained, according to Lindelof and Cuse, although we can assume she was an agent of Widmore I guess). And Lost made sure characters always came first, before plot or special effects or anything (look at how many 1st season episodes are just people hangin’ at the beach, or how many season 2 episodes are just hangin’ around the Swan).

Also, Lost’s greatness is helped by its incredible production value and the network that supports it even when the ratings fall (and they gradually have, especially as the show has gotten weirder). It’s a really beautiful show to watch, and that model of TV is getting hard to justify as more and more people watch TV online, where ads come much cheaper. Carlton Cuse recently said he had doubts that another show like Lost would come around anytime soon, because of the huge investment it requires with little chance of success. Serialized shows are tough - if they don’t hook their audience immediately, they die. Procedurals can spend a season or two getting their footing, and audiences will tune in because each story is more or less self-contained. Also, procedurals are generally wildly less expensive than shows like Lost (shooting in Hawaii is a budget-buster).

Lost is a show that should be appreciated for so many reasons, even when it’s less than stellar (Jack tats, Claire episodes, Nikki/Paulo). This is the last season finale we have before the series finale, which will probably make my head explode from sheer anticipation. I hope another Lost shows up eventually, but I’m not holding my breath.