Craphole Island

THE END

So…

Ross ended up with Rachel after all!

IN HEAVEN.

Dun dun DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

(PS - those weren’t tears. Jack just snuck into my brain and put in the magic island light cork in my brain and water just started pouring out)

Jackob, Shepherd of Craphole Island

Well, here we are. One episode left (one 2.5 hour long episode, to be fair). Ben killed Widmore, Miles ducked out, Richard got slammed, FakeLocke got his favorite murderer back onboard, evil Liz Lemon got pointless/dead, Sideways Desmond got the band back together, Regular Desmond got outta the well, Sideways Locke signed up for surgery, Jacob’s Ashes got burned, and Jack got crowned Island King once and for all (in a truly shocking twist).

So what now?

THEORY TIME: So Jacob told Kate that she lost her candidacy because she “became a mother” (although we all know the real reason was that Jacob hated Kate episodes). This raises an interesting theory, potentially putting some light on a mystery long thought forgotten: the mystery of the lost pregnancies! Pregnant women die on the island, but only when they conceive on the island, and only (presumably) after the birth of Ethan Rom (the last live birth witnessed). Why?

After “The Incident” - Jacob realized that Smokey’s meddling was coming to a head, and that it would not be long until someone else had to take his terrible, terrible job. But he also knew that every time someone gave birth, he would not be allowed (according to his self-imposed rules) to make the mother a potential candidate, and the father would be far less willing to take on that job and leave behind his wife and child. Thus, Jacob started killing ALL pregnant mothers on the island. A harsh move, but one he hoped would discourage anyone from trying to get pregnant from then on, leaving the list of potential candidates wide open.

Anyways, we are moving into the finale, “The End.” Locke can’t worry himself with murdering the remaining candidates, but perhaps he could get Ben to kill Jackob (aka “Island Protector Jack Shephard”…Shephard?! OH MAN THAT IS THE LEAST SUBTLE NAME EVER FOR AN ISLAND PROTECTOR. But I digress). Failing that, he could theoretically shove Desmond into the Island Light and blow the whole thing to kingdom come (ironic that what made Desmond the failsafe was using the Swan failsafe and oh no my head’s spinning again). The Swan is increasingly looking like a smaller representation of the island as a whole:

• It was made to hold back a power that would “destroy the world”
• The world-destroying power was created after an “incident”
• There was a protector watching over the place until a replacement arrived
• Desmond was capable of blowing them each up, for the greater good

Now the questions:

WTF is up with the Sideways World?

Well, Desmond seems keenly aware of what’s going on, where everyone is, and what needs to be done. Hurley, too, seems aware of his alternate existence. Something big is going to happen that will affect the Real World as well, but as to what…I have no idea. One thing’s for sure: this is pretty much all going to come down to Desmond, and his “sacrifice.”

What’s Jackob’s next move?

Well, Jacob’s not going to be around to give him any more instructions. And unfortunately not even Jacob knew how to kill Smokey. Could the the only way to destroy him would be to drag him back into the Light Cave, from whence he came? If so…who can do it? Desmond or Jackob? Or maybe Ben? Or will “love” kill Smokey (“Love” seems to be the answer of Sideways World)? Can Smokey possibly be reasoned with? I mean, that is a pretty sweet island. What’s a Smoke Monster gonna do in the suburbs anyhow?

What is Smokey planning on anyhow?

If Smokey were to get off Craphole Island, what would he do? We’ve been told he’d spread darkness across the land and kill everything that moved…but the events in “Across the Sea” don’t really paint that picture. He may be a demonic smoke monster…but he doesn’t really have a lust for killing innocents - just people who get in his way. And if Desmond blows up the island and sucks away the Light, would Smokey go down with the ship? Or would everyone but Smokey die? The answer: I have no idea.

THEME OF THE SEASON: Choice. Jacob says that Jack what he never got: a choice. But his choice was “either become Island King and savior of everyone or let Smokey win and destroy all existence.” Not really that much of a choice, Jake. Just like Charlie noticed earlier, when given the choice between performing and having his career destroyed, sometimes a choice isn’t really a choice at all. It’s a interesting way of resolving the show’s big questions about fate vs. free will. There is free will, but you’d have to be insane or a total asshole to ever not choose what was pretty much chosen for you.

I’m not entirely sure what purpose - if any - there is for the remaining mortal candidates: Sawyer, Hurley, and Kate. What could they possibly bring to the table at this point? Desmond and Jackob are the only ones with enough magic powers to deal with Smokey in any effective way. Maybe Hurley’s ability to see g-g-ghosts will get him some valuable advice, but that’s about it. In a way, it’s too bad the show became about a struggle between god-like beings of good and evil, because so much of the show was built around small mortals and their miserable existences, and how they could make a difference in each others’ lives. Then again, it’s kinda awesome too.

Maybe they still can make a difference though - in the Sideways world that is. Somehow, getting everyone to “wake up,” Matrix-style, and be doubly aware of their alternate universes will give them power…or maybe…JUST MAYBE…a choice. A real choice. The choice to live in a world where the island sunk to the bottom of the sea in 70’s and took Jacob and Smokey with it (as well as The Light), or to stick with the Real World. Everyone’s alive and relatively happy, dealing with their problems and whatnot, in Sidewaysland, but there’s none of Jacob’s precious light! Maybe the Light isn’t as great or meaningful as he would have led us to believe. Maybe the Light is within all of us. Cue motivational poster. Or they could go with The Real World, where everyone’s dead and miserable and there’s an evil smoke monster…but there’s still that wonderful Light.

I wonder if Jackob can change the rules. That may be the ultimate key to breaking the endless cycle the island has been going through for so many years. Jacob created the rules (we assume) and they were heeded. Maybe Jack needs to change the game, or question the “rules” that were set down long before him (and before even The Woman, apparently). Who really knows what The Light is? Not Jacob, really. Not The Woman. Not Smokey.

Oh fuck it. I have no idea what’s going on, or what’s going to happen. It’s been a wild ride, and I for one can’t wait to see how it ends.

And remember: It only ends once.

Whose Timeline Is It Anyway?

“He’s recruiting.”

The Substitute is the key to understanding the purpose of Timeline X, if not its strange, physiologically-baffling nature. How it was created is a mystery, but why it was created could hardly be clearer. The island sunk in this world, flight 815 did not crash, and everyone’s lives are…different, but similar. What makes them different? In this world, Jacob never toyed with their lives to get them to Craphole Island. And one change seems to be universal: everyone (well, most everyone) seems a great deal happier in Timeline X.

• Locke has come to terms with his paralyzation, is marrying Helen, and has a good relationship with Anthony Cooper.
• Claire has Aaron, isn’t worried about mysterious “infections,” and doesn’t have to live in the jungle by herself.
• Hurley considers himself incredibly lucky, seems content with life, is still super-rich.
• Sayid can be with Nadia, and remind her to look both ways before crossing the street.
• Ben is a kindly teacher, likely married to Annie with a young daughter of their own.

The most important thing for all involved though (particularly Jack) is that this is a reset. All of the harm, death, and sorrow from their time on Craphole Island is forever undone (even though they don’t realize it, and not realizing it is the key). Their lives are not perfect, but for the most part, they’re better and (even if their lives are NOT better, as in the case of Jin/Sun, who will still have their marital issues and be unable to conceive theoretically) the reset is a huge blessing in and of itself. Not a perfect world, but it’s better than what they got.

Enter Faux-Locke. He wants off of Craphole Island. He needs “recruits,” according to Ilana. Let’s assume a battle is on the horizon. Unfortunately, being a Smoke Monster isn’t going to win you many friends. So how does he get anyone to join him?

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